Jamal Parris, one of Eddie Long’s former “spiritual sons,” is spilling the beans on his down-low romance with Long and breaking his silence on how he was manipulated into a sexual relationship with the staunchly anti-gay minister due to his lifetime search for a father figure.

Parris is one of four young men who have filed multimillion-dollar civil suits against Long for sexual harassment. He describes a “love-hate relationship with the man of God, who he first met at just 14. He joined New Birth Missionary Baptist Church and later met Bishop Long, who said to call him “daddy” and to trust him with spiritual guidance. The romance began when Jamal was 17. He says he went along with things because he was afraid of losing Long’s paternal-like affections.

“We loved him…we would have to be the craziest kids in the world to have to come out and admit to another man touching us publicly. I can not get the sound of his voice out of my head, I can not forget the smell of his cologne and I can not forget the way he made me cry when I drove his cars on the way home not able to take enough showers to wipe the smell of him off my body…”