Jesus and Spell Check…These are the things Khia needs in her life.

And while we’re on the subject of Nicki Minaj….

Here Ye. Here Ye. Khia, the Pied Pimpstress of Rapper who has unleashed Hoodrat Hell on every artist from Remy Ma to Janet Jackson, has dusted off her sixth grade writing/reading comprehension skills to pen a scathing review of one of 2010′s most-anticipated albums, Pink Friday.

The phrase “Hatin’ Azz Beeyotch” springs to mind.

This week, the Holy Grail on the Recording Industry, Rolling Stone Magazine, christened Minaj the new Queen of Hip-Hop (Much to the chagrin of washed-up femcee Lil Kim…).

Try telling that Khia, who after more than a decade “in the game” is still best known for her raunchy eight-year-old anthem “My Neck, My Back.” The grungy Floridian with a wrap sheet longer than an Everglades gator tosses around F-Bombs and insults like a Christmas fruitcake.

Tell ‘em why you mad, gurl.

Check out some of the highlights from Khia’s review, copy and pasted as-is from her site, spelling errors and made-up words stated in context.

“Now………When I said Happy Thanksgiving, I was not talking about Onika’s album because there was nothing ‘Happy’ about it, and when I say I nothing… I do mean “Nothing, Nada, Zilch…. This bitch needs to be SHOT on site,” she spits in the first lines of the opening paragraph, going straight for Nicki’s juglar fast than you can say “One Hit Wonder!”

“Real Talk…… It smells WORSER than the gas that’s coming out of my A*S, from all of the Turkey that I ate over the Thanksgiving weekend,” writes Khia, an admitted Lil Wayne Stan. (Or stalker, depending on who’s telling the story.)

“Someone needs to give this B*TCH a FLEET Enima and ‘FLUSH’ her IMMEDIATELY, She is nothing but a ‘Ghostwritten,’ Weezy-wannabe WHORE! Guuuuuuurl…..For starters, the album cover was cute but it looked like Mama Cita needed a Knee Replacement, Knee Braces or KNEE KNOCKERS cuz her legs looked Knotted Up, ILLIFORMED and DEFORMED just like that FAKE ‘ASS’ of hers!!!! Her breast looked suculant, but I wouldn’t suck them wit Latifah’s lips! Shout out to the stylists and photographers who done a spectacular job, airbrushing and styling this ‘Dungeon Dragon’ because we all know that this ‘Lint-Lizard’ doesn’t look like this in person…”

“Illiformed?” Is that even a word?” Dis bitch….

As the review continues, Khia goes through the entire album song-by-song, clocking the tea on where Nicki falls short. And boy does she always seem to fall short where Ms. K-Wang is concerned. Just take a peek at what she had say about “Roman’s Revenge,” the Kim diss featuring Eminem.

“The best thing on this track was Eminem! Someone call ‘Puff The Magic Dragon’ Slayer. Was she talkin about Lil Kim and was not woman enough to say it? Ooooooooooh Enimem, I never dated a white dude before…..Let’s share an Ice Cream Sandwich, or maybe an Oreo Cookie or even a Peppermint Patty! Oooooooooooooh, I’m sooooooooooo messy!”

Khia’s infatuation with Young Money boss Weezy is well documented, but it gets kinda weird (as if it weren’t already weird) in her review of “Did It On ‘Em”

“What did you do? Because it’s obvious that you will not sell any RECORDS, don’t get too “COMFY” over there at Cash Money Records Sweeeeetie because if they DROPPED Teena Marie, they are going to be SWEEPING your A*S out the DOOR pretty soon! I Thank my husband for DROPPING Lil Mo becuase her LIPS weighed more than her ALBUM sales and needed to be picked UP from draaaaaaaging the floor! Every night me and my husband Weezy still fight about him letting Teena Marie go!”

How dare she drag Mo’s soup coolers into this!

And what does Khia think of Nicki’s collaboration with will.i.am, “Check It Out?”

“Check what out? The best thing on this track is the ‘feature’ WIL-I-AM…… I can’t believe I wasted my $13.99 on this BULL SHiT, I told yall that it aint no damn Barbies in the hood! I can’t wait for Matel to sue this b*tch for all of the $3.60 that she earned! When is this bitch gonna learn that they stealing all of the money?”

The review wasn’t all doom and gloom, of course. Khia does have some affinity for Nicki’s first solo Billboard hit, “Your Love,” but that’s the only positive thing she said about the album!

To read Khia’s full review of Pink Friday, Not Safe for Work, Life, or While Eating, visit Motormouf.com!

Khia has another mugshot to add to her illustrious collection!

The self-proclaimed “Thug Misses” — who made the phrase “My Neck, My Back” a sexual catchphrase with her 2002 breakout hit of the same name –was arrested in Gwinnett County, Georgia Wednesday on one charge of endangering security interest.

(We have no idea what that means. If we have any Georgia Legal Eagles in the house, please expound!)

Khia was booked at Gwinnett County Detention Center at 9:14PM and released after posting $1,300 bond a few hours later.

Khia has released the official music video for the first single off of her Nasti Muzik LP, available now.

Khia’s blogging…again. In a new Vlog, we get to watch the self-proclaimed “Thug Misses” cluck about her disqualification from VH1′s celebrity trainwreck Miss Rap Supreme.

Oh My Damn! The “My Neck, My Back” girl just sonned Wendy Williams on Myspace. When Khia blogs, she blogs. Apparently, Florida’s Golden Girl is tired of Ms. Williams and her big mouth. Khia holds

“Now you know what????? I have to be the baddest, realest, smartest bitch ever….. Because all these dumb silly Drag Queens love to promote me….. I have been on covers, four page spreads, radio and TV and I didn’t have to spend a dime!!!!! Come on people…..I now see that some of us was born out the pussy and some of was born straight out the asshole…….LOL!!! I mean come on………. Why wouldn’t I want to be on VH1’s prime time television, their official website and on The Wendy Williams show!!! Promotion people!!!!!! Because after this reading…

You wrong for that with that lazy eye and head full of mangled tracks!!!!! Bitch you aint no diva!!! You won best radio personality in 1993.… Bitch it’s 2008!!! Your time is up and you are used up and dat pussy is wrinkled for sure!!! With your decrepit ass!!! Don’t Wendy look like the junky in the hood, that thinks she still got it???? Bitch you washed up and over the hill!!! You finally met your match!!!! I am the future!!! Bitch …….choke off the next dick that goes down your throat, No….No wait a minute…. Sprinkle some powder on it first, because I know you will suck it even faster, theeeen!! Now run and tell that!!!!!”

Hood Magazine has given ‘Thug Missus’ Khia, whose lone hit was about getting her sweatbox licked, an advice column.

Here’s a sample:

Khia help me I been with this girl faithfully for 7 months and she havent let me glance at the pussy. I havent felt no titties or nothing what am I doing wrong. Shes not a virgin she got two girls. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. The hardest part is she always wearing short shit, and khia she got a big gurilla ass. Please help me!

-Mike (Houston, TX)
What’s really Hood Mike? This sounds like some Jerry Springer shit, 7 months without even a glance at the pussy what is that about, you sure she’s not a man? I know you said she has two kids but damn are they her’s? You know there’s a lot of punks out here getting ass shots and tittie jobs but for real you say you ain’t feel no ass, titties or nothing. What is she saying about this because something in the milk ain’t clean. What is she telling you when you try and get some, damn I’m lost for words. Well all I can say is if you really care about her talk to her and find out what’s really going on and why she’s holding back. Tell her your needs as a man and let her know how you feel cause shit she’s going to have to drop them panties sooner or later and I hope she ain’t hiding a dick under there. Shit maybe she’s waiting for marriage this time you say she has two kids already, maybe she wants to do it right this time and if so you better start shopping for a ring or move…Next!!!!!

Spotted At

‘My Neck, My Back’ rapper Khia and a sidekick recently left nasty voicemail messages on former Terror Squad First Lady Remy Ma’s Myspace Page. Apparently, she has a new single coming out and needs the attention.

Listen To Khia Airing Out Ms. Martin Here